I've had mild ocd for a few years. I describe it as mild because for the most part, it doesn't completely interrupt my everyday life. Yet, whenever I have sex, I find myself in the shower for well over an hour. Then I feel the urge to clean any place in the house that may have been "contaminated" by me or my partner. The stress over the whole situation has made me refrain from sex entirely.
Does anybody else have similar feelings toward sex? Can anybody offer any suggestions on how to overcome this problem?
Does anybody else have similar feelings toward sex? Can anybody offer any suggestions on how to overcome this problem?
posted by:
|
Unsubscribed |
-
Re: Cleaning Rituals After Sex
Sun, August 5, 2007 - 11:19 AMWhoa. Thought my OCD could be bad.
Uhm, are you monogamous? Married?
Are your fears regarding you being germy and touching someone else when you go outside, and getting sex germs on them, and/or some guest touching something in the house that might have been contaminated?
Or is it fear for yourself, and also just fear of icky sex germs being around the house?
I can relate. One boyfriend had been touching himself, then touched the armrest of my couch. I lysolled the armrest, LOL!
I'm happily married now. And kinda sorta don't care about sex germs so much anymore. I don't know if it's being married that has made me relax, or what. I am on zoloft for OCD/Depression.
Are you seeing a shrink? On any meds? -
-
Unsu...
Re: Cleaning Rituals After Sex
Sun, August 5, 2007 - 9:24 PMThanks for responding. No, I'm not seeing a shrink nor am I taking medication. I've been acting as my own therapist and have improved a lot. Luckily, it's never been very severe.
I can surely relate to you spraying the lysol on the couch. Like you suggested, my fear lies in there being germs throughout the house, on the doorknobs, countertops, ect. I'm not even sure if fear is the right word for how I feel about it because I don't fear that I might get sick or anything along those lines. It's just hard for me to feel comfortable. I can't get rid of the thought that if I shined one of those black light things around the room, there would be germs everywhere. Perhaps I've watched one too many of those 20/20 investigations of unsanitary hotel rooms:)
Oddly enough, I can imagine that if I were married, it may not be of so much concern. I'm not in a relationship right now, but it was a big problem in my last one. And I hope to "get some" again someday and I don't want it to even be an issue. -
-
Re: Cleaning Rituals After Sex
Sun, August 5, 2007 - 10:28 PMI take it you've been reading alot of literature on OCD?
I have a ton of books on it. For a while, I obsessed on my OCD, LOL.
I've found that therapy + meds helps.
Part of the problem is not being able to recognize when a worry/concern is OCD related, i.e., above and beyond the amount of concern you should be having about something, or a real, genuine concern.
Sortof like the difference between worrying that a friend's dog just licked your hand, vs. worrying that an AIDS patient just coughed blood all over your face. The latter is a genuine concern. [And possibly a new nightmare for everyone with OCD who is reading this right now, and is really suggestible. Sorry about that.] The former, not so much. Your friend's dog's germs aren't probably anything to be worrying about. The AIDS patient... better go get cleaned up and have periodic testing. :P
Anyway, the long-winded point I was trying to make was that the meds help because you actually get a chance to FEEL what it's like to, well, be normal. Then, when you do go back off them, (if you decide to), when you have an OCD thought again, you recognize it more easily. You can keep from freaking about the dog licking your hand... you can keep from treating it as just as bad as the AIDS patient coughing blood.
[My apologies to any AIDS patients reading this... it's just that when AIDS came on the scene, it because the favorite fear of people with OCD, me included. I don't know why... I have no idea what was the BIG FEAR for OCD people prior to AIDS.]
I'm currently pregnant. My Psychiatrist and I agreed whole-heartedly that it was probably a good idea for me to stay on my OCD meds, LOL! Women who get pregnant can get paranoid, as it is.
Anyway, maybe what you need is a break from your OCD... a time period where you are on medication to help you turn the OCD off, or at least down, for a little while. The meds don't have to be permanent.
And yeah, as far as hotel rooms are concerned, I'm careful to avoid bedspreads, because I figure they don't get washed: just the sheets, LOL!
Do you watch Monk? Have you ever seen As Good As It Gets? -
-
Re: Cleaning Rituals After Sex
Sun, August 5, 2007 - 10:29 PMOops! Sorry, I think I rambled and repeated myself a little bit. Got the TV on. -
-
Unsu...
Re: Cleaning Rituals After Sex
Sun, August 5, 2007 - 11:46 PMFirst of all, congratulations on the new arrival!
You've actually given the best case I've heard for trying meds. Before now, I was scared that if I started, it would only medicate (no pun intended) the problem and I didn't want to become depended. But it totally makes sense that if they gave me the opportunity to be completely rational, once I stopped, the irrational thoughts would be as plain as day. I'll definitely consider it. Meds really make you feel as if you're back to normal?
I haven't seen all of As Good As It Gets (I always get interupted). I can also relate to Ben Stiller's character in Along Came Polly. Have you seen that? The part where he's playing basketball and the big sweaty guy rubs his belly in his face cracks me up. I also love Monk. For the record, I'm not half as bad as he is but I can relate to a degree. It's weird, out side of my house, I really don't have a problem. -
-
Re: Cleaning Rituals After Sex
Mon, August 6, 2007 - 7:12 AMThanks! :) [Re: congrats]
I'm due November 21st. Wow: I deal with dog poo and other dog bodily fluids... now I get to add baby poo, etc., to the list! It's a boy, so I also have to be ready to dodge liquid missiles when I change him, LOL! "My eye! My eye!" Probably good I wear glasses, LOL.
Yeah, I didn't feel good about the idea of having meds that do stuff to my head. But a bunch of people I know are on meds for various things, including head-meds for various things, and encouraged me to give it a try. If they were willing to take medication for depression, anxiety, and in one other case, OCD, and they were ok with it, maybe I was overreacting, i.e., OCD'ing over meds, you know?
I think they (meds) make me feel what normal WOULD BE for me. I think I've had OCD since before I was 10 years old, so... not sure what normal for me is, LOL!
They can interfere with your sex drive. But you can talk to your doctor about that. Still, if you are in between Significant Others, maybe this is a good time to get to feel what "normal" might be for you.
I haven't seen Along Came Polly, but I did see that one scene, with the sweaty belly in the face. Bleah! :) I would not be down with that.
It's kinda funny... some of the sports I got into seem to take care of getting other bodily fluids on me. Scuba: covered head to food in neoprene, a face mask, and a regulator in my mouth, LOL! Motorcycling: gloves, boots, long pants, long shirt or motorcycle jacket, and that wonderful full-helmet, with the built-in spit shield, LOL!
I have OCD both in and outside the house. Outside, I don't have as much of an opportunity to, 'er, clean-up from possible spit from others on my face, or other people/animal germ scenarios. Inside, there aren't as many opportunities to get spat upon by people who make me nervous. Husband can spittle on me all day: I kiss him and do worse, so I'm already OK with his germs, LOL! Dog spit... I have to clean that up if it hits me on the mouth or eyes, LOL! [We have 2 German Shepherds.] But otherwise, I'm pretty ok. Don't like it when they track in poo, but it ironically doesn't make me freak out.
Really, I think having dogs gives you the ability to turn some OCD things off. Either you do, or you go a little nuts.
Glad you can function really well outside the house. That's awesome! I'm ok outside the house as long as I'm not in crowds, or not surrounded by people taller than I am. [Fear of parabolic spit hitting me in the face, if you haven't figured that out yet, LOL.]
FYI, you might have to try a few different meds before you get the right thing for you. Also, if your symptoms start to re-occur, you need to let your doctor know: it could be that those meds aren't working for you anymore, and you need a new med. That's ok. It's normal.
Good luck, whatever you do! :) -
-
Unsu...
Re: Cleaning Rituals After Sex
Mon, August 6, 2007 - 4:26 PMThanks so much. Finally someone who feels the same about the spit thing. I'm always conscious of spit possibly flying onto my face or arms or something. I'm a librarian so I have to interact with people all day. Usually, it's cool even if I do get hit from time to time. I figure I can deal with it until I can get home and shower. After that, I'm on high alert though (lol). -
-
Re: Cleaning Rituals After Sex
Mon, August 6, 2007 - 9:14 PMLOL! Oh, yeah. The spit thing is high on my paranoia, LOL!
I'm only 5 feet tall. So anyone my height or taller can easily accidentally spittle on me.
If I think I feel spit hit my lips, I can't drink or eat anything, or lick my lips, until I wipe my mouth off with my shirt/blouse, or with wet paper towels in the bathroom. If it hits me directly in the eye, it's eye-wash city in the bathroom, LOL! One of the many reasons I prefer wearing glasses to contacts: built-in spit shield, LOL!
And yeah, if it hits me on the arm, I tend to semi-discretely wipe my arm off on my jeans.
But dogs can lick my arms until the cows come home and I won't be grossed out, LOL!
Then there's going to the doctor. I have to be REALLY tired to not take a shower when I get home to get rid of all the germs from all the sick people who were at the doctor before me, LOL. At the very least, I'll wash my arms past my elbows, in case there were any germs on the arm rests. Especially if I had to have blood drawn.
Out of curiosity, do you have any self-injury habits? Ironically, even though I'm a germaphobe, I'll also chew on the inside of the left side of my lower lip. Or, if I'm at home and my hands are clean, or I'm in the shower, I might start picking at a bug bite or a pimple. Or worse, an old scar that finally healed up from the last time I attacked it. Basically, if I'm stressed out, and I find a bump or section of skin I don't like, and I'm not exerting adequate control over myself... yeah. Bleah.
My psychiatrist told me to buy worry beads, and use them instead, LOL!
Unfortunately, OCD and "cutting" normally go hand in hand. And often OCD sufferers have bulimia or anorexia, as either of those habits are a way of exerting more control over a person's environment.
And no, I don't technically "cut". I'm afraid of needles and sharp objects, so I use nails and teeth, LOL! And I thankfully never got into anorexia or bulimia.
Wow. Maybe that was TMI.
I just feel lucky to have found a man who puts up with my weirdnesses. -
-
This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.Unsu...
Re: Cleaning Rituals After Sex
Mon, August 6, 2007 - 9:54 PMYou are lucky to have found someone who is so understanding. I've only confided in a couple of friends, but I don't think that they understand that it can at times be a real problem. They seem to think I'm simply a neat freak. That's partly my fault because I usually make a joke out of it so that they don't think I'm such a weirdo.
I've read that ocd is usually accompanied by some other affliction but I can't think of any other peculiar habits that have. I also heard that it usually starts in childhood or adolescence but mine wasn't triggered until my late twenties. I probably always had a few tendencies but it was never anything substantial until I was like 27. And I attribute it to a specific incedent.
Hopefully, we'll both get to a point where it's no longer an issue. I imagine having a child won't leave you with any other option. That's definitely a good thing:)
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Re: Cleaning Rituals After Sex
Tue, August 7, 2007 - 9:18 AMDon't know if this will help you or not but here goes.
What if you invited your partner into the cleaning ritual with you. You could take it slow and wash each other with lovingkindness. You could have your partner help you change the bed if needed as well. One thing that helps is to put down a big bath towel over the bed and have a couple nearby to use as you go along. A warm washcloth at the end is a good quick fix plus a very nice guesture to your partner. All that can go into the laundry right away to get it out of the way and out of sight.
Sometimes our partners don't really get it until we invite them in. It takes courage to face that with someone else. So take it slow. It may bring you closer, give them insight, and help to release some of your feelings around it.
Be kind to yourself in the situation. Just handle it with slow, deliberate steps and you'll get through it. -
-
Unsu...
Re: Cleaning Rituals After Sex
Tue, August 7, 2007 - 9:42 PMHi. Thanks for the advice. I like the idea of being slow and deliberate. I think if I don't get so stressed over the event of cleaning, maybe it won't be such a chore.
-
